Why are you so angry? It’s a question frequently directed at you, or you may have asked a loved one who seems unreasonably angry. If you get angry while interacting with someone else, it’s easy to put the blame on them. When alone, it’s harder to understand. But the feeling is there and won’t go away. Grrr… There are some common triggers for anger, both internal and external. Anger can be experienced in a variety of ways. Slow breathing helps, but only in some cases. Understanding the sources and types of anger you experience is essential to successfully controlling or eradicating your anger.
Internal anger triggers
External anger triggers
Types of anger
Your anger is a combination of triggers, internal dialogue, energy level, and habitual emotional reaction.
How internal triggers create anger
Let’s start with guilt because it’s so counterintuitive to anger. If you feel guilty about something and someone else points out that flaw or mistake, your reaction will be anger (if your go-to emotion is anger). You may be angry at the person who brought it up and at yourself for the guilty action.
If you feel powerless in a situation, you will feel anger at the situation and all the people who won’t change and don’t understand. One example is a child who depends on abusive adults. Another example is someone who has a chronic mental or physical condition. It is unfair. Who can blame him? It is unfair.
Frustration is a frequent trigger for anger. Many obstacles arise daily. They disrupt our plans and keep us from meeting our goals. Frustration can be caused by other people or events, like a flat tire or a missed flight. Most people feel annoyance; some become enraged.
Feeling disrespected sends some people into the stratosphere of anger. No one likes disrespect, but some people cannot tolerate it. They even interpret simple rudeness as disrespect. Instead of perceiving the other person as rude, they take it personally and overreact. This is because they think poorly of themselves and go off every time someone triggers that self-loathing in them.
Feeling overwhelmed by people or situations can lead to an angry meltdown. Some people with OCD may have an angry meltdown if people expect them to stop their rituals. Persons with extreme anxiety will get angry and fight back if you try to put them in an anxiety-inducing situation. Adults and children with Autism are often overwhelmed with crippling anxiety and, when pushed, react with a complete meltdown.
You may have old habits of interacting with people who get on your nerves. If you live or work with these people, you may have developed a habit and pattern of thinking about and interacting with them. Or, you may have been raised by someone who was chronically angry and copied their ways.
Dwelling on things that make you angry, also known as rumination, is something that you do. This can be thinking, reading, or listening to podcasts and other shows fueling resentment and anger. If you keep thinking about all that’s wrong with the world, past events that made you angry, or making up future situations that lead to anger, you will feel angry. But you’re doing it to yourself.
The most common reaction to disappointment and betrayal is hurt. For some people, the hurt instantly turns into anger or rage. How dare they!
There are anger triggers that have nothing to do with the psychology of a person.
How external triggers create anger
There are three different types.
1. Lead poisoning, steroid use, certain illegal drugs, and coming off of drugs or alcohol can all lead to excessive angry reactions, out of proportion to the situation at hand and uncontrollable by the person experiencing the episodes. Lead poisoning is hard to get rid of. But if you stop using the substances that cause you to be angry and lose control of your anger, eventually, you will lose the anger so typical in sobriety.
2. Hypoglycemia is a blood sugar imbalance that causes blood sugar to dip. When it dips, you may become quite angry and irrational. But you can make it go away by eating something. People with hypoglycemia can prevent the dips by eating regular meals or snacks.
3. Neurological excitation in the form of excess energy is another trigger that can be controlled. If you feel like you have excess energy much of the time and are made to sit still, you will get angry easily. The excess energy turns into anger. This happens to children sitting in classrooms for many hours without the opportunity to work off the extra energy.
Different types of angry reactions
Flash anger, also described as “seeing red,” seems impossible to control. However, you can study the situation after it happens to determine what triggered you.
Some people have a habit of anger. It’s their go-to emotional reaction to most situations. If this is your experience, you may find that you are also highly critical of others. Instead of experiencing a range of emotions, you often seem to feel angry. But if it’s a habit, you can change it.
Anger at oneself is common in depression. There is a tendency to think about all the mistakes you made in the past and all the things you feel guilty about. You keep thinking about the situations, going over what you could have/ should have done. Shame and guilt overwhelm you. You are judging yourself and feel angry at yourself for making the mistakes. This is self-generated anger.
Do you think about all the situations that made you angry and all the people who made you angry repeatedly? This reaction to internal dialogue builds resentment. It is entirely self-imposed. You do not attempt to see the situation from another’s perspective, and you do not wish to let go of your grudge.
You may feel calm when alone but frequently angry when interacting with others. This could be due to relationship problems or not knowing how to fix communication breakdowns.
Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
Quote by Malachy McCourt
Does knowing all this help to prevent anger or get rid of it once it’s there?
Four ways to reduce and prevent anger
The most important thing is to study your triggers.
That is what decides which anger reduction or prevention method you choose. Is it your thoughts? Is it other people? Is it listening to specific shows or reading something? Is it your energy level?
There are four main methods for reducing anger or preventing it from recurring: slow and even breathing, thought stopping and thought replacement, changing conversation habits, and exercise.
Slow and even breathing is the easiest to learn and can be used no matter the trigger.
1. Slow and even breathing
To reduce your anger, you can use the slow and even breathing method, which I describe in one of my articles about anxiety. You may think it odd that the same breathing method works for anxiety and anger. Both emotions cause your breathing to become short and shallow and can also cause you to hold your breath.
Long-lasting anger can permanently change your typical breathing sequence to a short and shallow pattern. Anger will make you tense, your muscles tight, your lungs shrink, your blood vessels contract, and your blood pressure spike. You can reverse this with breathing practice.
Taking long breaths and counting to ten is not enough.
You want to be relaxed most of the time.
Retraining your breathing will prevent you from getting as angry if something annoys you. This happens because you start from a calm place with a relaxed body.
2. Thought-stopping and thought-replacement
Thought-stopping and thought-replacement work if your anger is generated and maintained through your own thinking. Your anger-producing negative thoughts are on most of the time, playing in a loop like a playlist on your phone, keeping you awake at night.
Negative thinking can involve scenarios about what happened or what could happen that’s bad and upsetting.
You can’t just stop thinking!
Thought stopping and thought replacement will help you to break up this pattern. When you catch yourself thinking about stuff that makes you angry, stop and replace it with something that makes your soul soar and puts a smile on your face. This could be a past vacation, success in sports, or happy childhood memories like riding horses. Replay these memories in your head.
If your childhood was traumatic and you cannot recall past happiness, focus on the future. Imagine yourself finding a new friend whom you can trust, a job you love, or winning the lottery. What would you do with the money? Build your dream home in your imagination.
You may have to do it a lot. Thinking angry thoughts has become a habit. You will find yourself playing tug of war with your mind. You stop an angry thought and replace it with a positive storyline to keep your mind busy.
Boom! You’re back on the negative.
If you catch yourself back in your anger-producing thoughts, stop and go back to the positive. This return to anger-producing thoughts will repeat itself many times. If you persist in replacing them, you will notice that they don’t come up as often. You are creating a new habit of positive thinking.
When you start using this method, having a list of positive scenarios is best. It’s harder to think of good memories when you’re aflame with anger.
3. Changing conversation habits
Do you experience anger when thinking about or speaking with someone who “pushes your buttons?” Do all your conversations end with anger, blaming, and finger-pointing? Do you feel that the person does not hear you or takes the opposite view to spite you?
You may have gotten into a conversation habit with that person. That means that your conversations are repetitive. You know what you will say, how that person will respond, your next line, and so on. It feels like you’re in a play and are compelled to follow the same script.
But you don’t. You can change the script.
The simplest way to change the script is to say nothing. Don’t recite your next expected line. The other person will prompt you to say what he expects you to say next. But you don’t have to say it.
Changing the subject is another good way to break up anger-producing conversation habits. For this to work, pick a topic you know your conversation partner loves. Then, no matter what he says, your answer is “That reminds me,” and launch into his favorite topic. I
t works no matter what your conversation is about. He could say, “I hate it when you blah blah blah…” If you say, “That reminds me, the Eagles played a great game last night.” He’ll forget about the original conversation and talk excitedly about the Eagles.
Sports and exercise are great at converting anger into energy.
4. Melting anger with exercise
Perhaps you’ve already noticed that exercise reduces anger. Maybe you’ve gone for a walk or jog and thought about everything that makes you angry. When done with your jog, you notice that your anger has melted away.
Somehow, anger is tied to excess energy. If you have lots of energy without an outlet, you will get angry easily, without much provocation. Doing some exercise can relieve the anger.
Now you have the tools to manage your anger
It’s a process. It won’t work overnight, but you can do it.