Have you been suffering from anxiety?
You are not alone.
Anxiety was the primary complaint of patients who came to my psychology practice. Anxiety is conquerable. It is not something you have to live with, even if it runs in your family. When you learn how anxiety forms and attaches itself to different situations, you will understand what has been happening to you. But knowledge of its formation will not make it go away.
In this story, I will teach you how to get rid of your anxiety in 3 steps. It’s not easy; it will take work, but you can do it. I like to teach using stories. This is the story of a frequent complaint.
Cindy was always somewhat anxious, just like her mom. She assumed that her nervousness was part of her personality. A shocking event rocketed her fear to new heights. She was on the freeway, on her way to work, when another car spun out of control and hit her.
After the accident, Cindy couldn’t shake the fear of driving on the freeway. She took side streets wherever she went. Her job was so far from her house that taking side streets to work wouldn’t be practical. When her medical leave was almost over, she developed a fear of driving anywhere. The thought of getting into the car to go anywhere filled her with dread.
Cindy came to therapy to deal with her driving anxiety. This is how I taught her the 3 Step approach. You will be able to do it yourself after you read this article.
Getting anxiety under control
This is how I taught Cindy to free herself from fear. It started with a presentation — followed by practice.
I can teach you a three-step method; to get rid of the anxiety. This method breaks the bond between the trigger situation and the fear. You have to learn the technique in steps and practice it in stages for it to work.
Step 1. You will learn the slow and even breathing method to help you contain and remove the anxiety.
Step 2. You will practice anxiety-producing situations in your imagination — until you are no longer anxious about them.
Step 3. You will practice real-life situations until they no longer trigger anxiety. Negative emotions can change your breathing and make it short and shallow. But, it also works in reverse. Slow and even breathing calms the state of excitation in the body, reducing anxiety.
We will start with step one.
Step 1 — Learn to control and remove anxiety
I will teach you slow and even breathing so you can reduce your level of stress and tension.
Slow your rate of breathing. At first, it helps to close your eyes or look down. There is no right or wrong way to do it. You are trying to slow your breathing while paying attention to your body. It is something you feel as you practice. You will know that you are doing it right when you feel calmer.
When people start learning this method, they usually take 2 seconds for one in-and-out breath. Breathe in slowly, stop for a second, then breathe out slowly and stop for a second. You will know if you are trying to breathe too slowly if you find yourself holding your breath. Just do it as slow as is comfortable. With practice, your breathing will slow down naturally.
Don’t look at the clock until you feel you are breathing much slower. Then, you can check your progress. What's important is the change in how you feel inside. Keep doing it until you feel calmer.
Remember. There is no such thing as hurry up and relax.
It took about half an hour, but Cindy was able to do it and feel the difference. Then, I gave her homework.
Use this technique whenever you feel agitated, anxious, or angry. At such times, your breathing becomes short and shallow. By shallow, I mean you don’t get much air into your lungs. In the beginning, you will feel like your lungs can’t expand. That will change as you keep practicing your slow breathing. Keep doing the slow breathing, just like you did today in here. Your lungs will relax with practice. You will be able to fill them up with more air.
You don’t have to close your eyes to do this breathing. You can do regular activities and slow your breathing until you feel calm again. Be aware of your feelings
Practice slow breathing whenever anything triggers anxiety or tension.
For example, practice slow breathing before you talk to someone who usually makes you anxious. Wait until you feel calm, then speak to that individual. When you come to see me next week, you will feel in control.
The anxiety will still come, but you will be good at getting rid of it. You will have a tool for containing anxiety. The more you practice this technique, the more relaxed you will become.
You are creating a habit of self-calming.
When you master slow breathing and can remove the anxiety once it is there, I will teach you Step 2.
Step 2 — Break the bond between the trigger and the anxiety
The following week, Cindy reported that she had been practicing the slow and even breathing method. She looked calmer and said that she felt less anxious. Cindy asked if it was possible to keep the anxiety from coming up in the first place.
By now, Cindy had two triggers for her anxiety.
I told Cindy:
You can learn to keep anxiety from coming up in the first place. The way to do it is to break the bond between fear triggers and the feeling itself. This is step two. You will do all the work in your imagination. We will pick one of your triggers, ‘thinking about driving on the freeway.’
Please start your slow and even breathing. Once you feel relaxed, imagine yourself thinking about taking a trip on the freeway.
I noticed Cindy’s breathing speeding up.
Slow your breathing down. When you are calm again, think about getting the car keys and entering the parked car. You are not driving anywhere, just sitting in the car relaxing. Keep doing slow breathing until all traces of anxiety are gone.
Then, imagine driving toward the freeway. Whenever you feel anxious, park the car on the side of the road. Do the slow breathing until your anxiety is gone. Continue driving toward the freeway. Whenever you feel the fear returning, find a place to park the car. Do your slow and even breathing to get rid of the anxiety. Do this until you reach the freeway onramp.
Even when practicing imaginary, anxiety-free freeway driving, you must control your anxiety. You will imagine doing this on a weekend day and when the freeway is almost empty.
If you can get on the freeway without fear, good. If not, go past the onramp and keep doing the slow and even breathing. Continue with your efforts to get on the freeway onramp without fear.
You may have to pass the freeway onramp a few times. It’s OK. Just keep your breathing slow and even. You’ll be able to do it.
Imagine getting on the freeway — and off on the next offramp. Then, drive over or under the freeway for the onramp back. Once you can get on the freeway without anxiety, continue practicing. Imagine getting on the freeway and off the freeway multiple times.
Keep doing this exercise in your mind until thinking about freeway driving no longer triggers anxiety.
You are doing this in your imagination. This is the way to break the bond between the trigger of freeway driving and anxiety.
Please practice this at home, in your imagination.
Once the bond is broken, you will stop becoming fearful when you think about driving on the freeway. It may take a week or more. Then, you will be ready for step three.
Step 3 — Practice actual driving
Use the same method you used in step two, but practice actual driving. Do exactly what you did in your imagination. Get into your car. If you feel anxious. Stop and do slow breathing until you relax. Start driving toward the freeway. Stop the car on the side of the road and do slow and even breathing whenever you feel anxious.
Drive past and around the freeway onramps until you can get on the freeway anxiety-free.
Practice short drives on the freeway, getting on and off, just like you did in your imagination. Once you stop feeling anxious on the practice drives, take longer trips. Drive to your favorite shopping center or park.
The following week, Cindy reported she could drive to the shopping center without anxiety. She even drove during rush hour without a problem. But when she thought about going to work, the anxiety kicked in.
Getting rid of return-to-work trigger
Today, you will imagine getting into your car and driving to work. You will use the same techniques as the imaginary freeway driving. If you get anxious driving surface streets, stop the car. Do slow breathing until you are calm.
If you get nervous on the freeway, get off on the next offramp and park the car somewhere to calm the fear. Imagine doing this on the weekend when no one is at work, and the freeways are easy to drive.
Cindy was able to do this exercise at my office. I could see her breathing speeding up at times. But she slowed her breathing down and got things under control. Finally, she reported that she was now at work.
I asked her to park her car and go into the building. She was able to do it without anxiety. Then, she used her imagination to drive home.
This week’s homework is to practice imaginary driving to work and back on a weekend. When that no longer triggers anxiety. Then you are to imagine driving to work and back during rush hour traffic. Please keep doing the imaginary driving until all anxiety is gone, even at the site of your accident.
Once you can complete the imaginary drive to work and back without triggering fear, you can practice the actual drive to work on a weekend.
The following week. Cindy reported that she could do all the imaginary and the actual driving exercises. She drove to work with some hints of anxiety, which she made go away with slow and even breathing. She did not have to stop. Cindy continued her practice drives to work until she was cleared to return to work.
You can do it!
Remember that I gave Cindy instructions on what to do. She practiced it all week on her own. You can learn the three-step method to get rid of your anxiety.
Remember that this method breaks the bond between the trigger situation and the fear.
You have to learn the technique in steps and practice it in stages for it to work. Use the instructions in Cindy’s example. Adjust them to fit your trigger situation.
How you can apply the three-step method
Identify the triggers for your anxiety — spiders, crowds, flying, social anxiety. Pick one trigger at a time. Follow the Three Steps that Cindy learned.
Step 1
Practice slow and even breathing a lot to feel calmer. You want to practice this until you know that you can contain your anxiety once it’s there. Make a habit of checking your breathing and slowing it down — even when you don’t feel anxious. You want to train your body to develop a habit of being calm most of the time.
Do not move to Step 2 until you can remove your anxiety by slowing your breathing down.
Step 2
Use your imagination to pretend that you are in the presence of whatever triggers you. Do your slow and even breathing as you imagine being in the presence of what triggers your anxiety. Use slow and even breathing to contain and remove your fear.
Do it until you break the bond between your trigger situation and anxiety.
You will know the bond is broken when you no longer feel anxiety while thinking about the situation.
Step 3
When you can handle the trigger situation in your imagination, work on it in real life. Just like you did in your imagination.
I don’t think it’ll work for me
Do you think this method will not work because you’ve been anxious all your life?
Take heart. You can do it. Just stick to Step 1 for a long time until you learn to contain and remove your anxiety. Anxiety became a habit for you. Habits can be changed and replaced. Once you are able to control your fear, you are ready to identify the thoughts that trigger it.
Once you identify them, you can work on the triggers like Cindy did.
Remember.
There’s no such thing as hurry up and relax.
Exercise your patience.