A.J. Rogers, Ph.D.
Joe wakes up with a killer headache. He reaches over for the bottle of Vodka on his nightstand. It’s empty. Very carefully, so his head doesn’t explode, he rolls out of bed and shuffles to the kitchen to look for more. Later that day, he calls his AA sponsor to admit he relapsed. Joe says with a sigh. “I wish I could be a social drinker.” He wonders: “Why is it so hard to stay sober?”
Addiction is more common than you think.
You can become addicted to love, food, exercise, work, social media, drugs, or alcohol—the list is endless. Today, let’s talk about alcohol Abuse and Addiction, a topic that hits close to home for many.
I used to work with clients dealing with alcohol-related issues. Each time, I would ask for their definition of an alcoholic. The answer was always the same. Someone passed out drunk in the gutter.
The Long Road to Alcoholism.
The road to alcoholism is a gradual one. It often starts innocently--drinking with friends on the weekends. Then, the weekends become longer, including Thursday night. Soon, Monday work absences due to hangovers become routine. The pattern can turn into daily drinking, job losses, family problems, and legal issues. Driving under the influence and other offenses while drunk can result in jail time. The last step is passing out drunk in the gutter.
You don’t have to be a devoted drinker to get into all these problems. You can be a “functioning alcoholic” who goes to work daily and only binge drinks on the weekends. The binge can cost you money and freedom depending on your behavior when under the influence.
Why do you drink?
How does it happen? You start out drinking alcohol for fun and to feel grown up and end up drinking just to feel normal? Do you use alcohol to self-medicate for social anxiety, depression, or PTSD? Or do you drink to entertain clients, forget problems, or escape family issues?
It’s a slippery slope. It’s hard to tell when you stop being a social drinker and become an alcoholic. Especially when all your friends are drinkers. When you drink a lot, you gravitate to other drinkers. This becomes your social circle. You’re all in denial together.
Alcoholic lifestyle
Now, it’s a lifestyle issue. If you decide to stop drinking, you will lose all your friends. You would have to give them up because your friendship revolves around drinking together. Going out and finding new friends while you are sober is overwhelming. You don’t even know any sober people besides your kids.
What would you do with all that extra time?
You decide to solve your dilemma by becoming a social drinker. But no matter how hard you try, you cannot become a social drinker. You cannot make it work because when you drink, the part of your brain that tells you what is OK to do goes to sleep. You forget your promises to yourself – like stopping after two drinks.
Then there are those of you who prefer to drink alone. That is a lifestyle issue as well. What will you do instead? Sitting on the couch and watching TV can become boring.
What will you do with all the extra time if you stop drinking?
How much time do you spend thinking about drinking, buying alcohol, and consuming it? What will you do with that extra time? For best results, plan replacement activities before you even start your sobriety. What gave you pleasure before you began drinking?
Your first instinct will be to jump into another addiction
You might think you cannot do it without prescription medication or marijuana.
You might jump into a new relationship and become obsessed with that person.
You might become a workaholic
You may turn into an exercise addict.
You do need something to fill in the free time which you now have. But if you replace it with another addiction, your emotional growth will stall.
Your feelings will be raw and magnified
When you face life’s ups and downs in a sober state, your feelings will be raw and magnified. You may feel overwhelmed and lost. It has been years since you faced life sober. Others learned how to deal with problems while you drank to forget them. You don’t know how to deal with anger, frustration, sadness, despair, and anxiety.
The good news is that you can learn how to cope
All these other people learned. You can do it as well.
Expect that if you began drinking at 14, your emotional reactions will be that of the younger you. You will react like a teenager to every little bump in the road. As you deal with life sober, your emotions will catch up.
You will learn how to manage your feelings and your life.
It takes time.
Cravings and routines
Each time you tried to get sober, you had dreams about drinking. Every waking hour, your mind was churning out reasons to drink. You had routines and habits that involved drinking. You used to smoke and drink at the same time. Now, smoking has become a trigger for alcohol cravings.
Every street has a bar, liquor store, or convenience store. Your mind gets triggered all the time. You can’t stay home all the time. You have to get groceries. But the cravings nag at you all the time. Is there a way out? Can you turn yourself around?
You sure can!
You will make it happen once you decide to sober up and stay sober.
You may be successful on the first try.
Or, it may take you seven times.
Others have done it.
You can definitely do it as well.
You will need social support from a friend, therapist, a group like AA, and a sponsor. Reconfiguring your life without alcohol requires:
Social support
Understanding your habits
Knowing your triggers
Learning thought control
Learn about an simple technique that helped Bob to stay sober. Please read my blog, titled: